You guys, it is a big day over here. And I mean a monumental day, at least for us. Today, August 9, 2018, marks my 40th birthday aaaaand as if that didn’t prove to me that the sands of time are rushing through the hourglass, we also have a teenager in the house today! That’s right, Sawyer is 13 today. As we mark these milestones in our lives today, I have a lot of thoughts at the forefront of my mind. Of course with a baby who currently doesn’t want to nap, I also have limited time. Therefore this post won’t be too long on words! Wilder has recently started sleeping 9 pm until 7 am so frankly, I will take the occasional day where he doesn’t want to nap anytime as long as I am getting a full night of sleep.
My family, Seabrook July 2018
40 years have come and gone. I am the age my mother was when her last baby (me!) headed off to college. My younger twenty-something self had my life all figured out. I planned to marry Chris, have two babies (hoped for a boy and a girl with the boy being older) by the time I was 30, and have them off to college while I was still in my forties, allowing Chris and me to have so much adult life left together with just the two of us. I was going to stay home with my young children and see them off to school, and when they were old enough I would go back to work. We’d be living a comfortable and easy life, raising our two kids and giving them every opportunity we could while still teaching them to appreciate what they have.
Are you laughing yet? Don’t worry, I am! BAHAHAHAHA! We can make all the plans we want to but life has a way of showing us different paths and opening up for us in ways we never expected or imagined.
Instead of that life, this is me at 40.
Our plan was unfolding perfectly and I was ticking those boxes I’d created in my twenties. Boy first, check. Girl next, check.
Life was good, but a couple of years ago I just felt like our family wasn’t yet complete. After trials and tribulations, loss and grief, Wilder joined us in April of this year. He was the missing box on my list, the piece I hadn’t know I would be missing.
Oh how my 40 year old life now looks so different than I had planned. We find ourselves amidst piles of diapers and burp cloths, piles of blankets and onesies to be washed. To be completely honest and transparent, we’re not nearly as financially stable as I would have liked as well thanks to so many doctor bills. Now instead of telling my kids to sign up for all the things that interest them, I’m telling them to choose the one or two things they want to do the most and making it work as much as I can. We’re having to be very selective about what we spend money on, and there are repairs on our home that will just have to wait for the moment. Why is it in our twenties we really think we’ll be rolling in it in our forties?!?!
However, life is so much better than I could have imagined. We’ve got each other, we’ve got this adorable little baby we are all in love with, and we’re creating a new path to our future. It’s not at all what we planned, but it’s full of its own beauty and interesting turns. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and we keep each other laughing along the way. At 40, I can say I truly appreciate everything I have and the gifts that I have been given. These are my people, and I couldn’t be happier that I get to call them mine.
Life is good; in fact, it’s wonderful and I feel like a lucky girl every morning when I wake up to these people. Forty will prove to be the best decade yet
Of course, I can’t not talk about this guy turning 13 today….
I’m referring to the big one in that photo of course, Sawyer. He’s my best hiking buddy (we’re actually headed out together this morning for a birthday hike), movie-watching-couch-snuggler, and a stellar soccer player. He has a heart of gold which he wears on his sleeve, and no matter how old he gets, he will always be my first baby, and the boy that gave me my most cherished title of Mom. Sawyer, as you enter the teens, I wish you the brightest future, the least amount of acne, the best group of friends, and all of the joy life has to offer you if you keep your heart open to it. No matter where life takes you, may you always know that we are all right by your side, every step and misstep of the way. We’re all in this together, and don’t you ever forget it.
With that, I will leave you with the song that is “our song” for me and Sawyer, one we danced to many nights when he was a baby and Chris was away for work.