Cassie Bustamante

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Protecting Our Children

May 19, 2010 by Cassie 18 Comments

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This post is completely off subject for me, but last night I had a meeting at my church for VBS volunteers (I am helping out at VBS this summer) about sexual abuse of children. We watched 2 videos, and I just was so bothered by them. Did you know that 1 in 8 boys and 1 in 4 will be sexually abused by the time they reach 18? As a mom, this fact breaks my heart. The video we watched showed actual children who had been victims talking about what had happened to them; most perpetrators were friends from church, babysitters, and family friends. Two actual perpetrators talked as well about how they used to get to the children they molested. I found myself in tears watching this video, my heart breaking for the children who had been harmed, and for the parents who felt such horrible guilt that they had “let” their child be abused. As a parent or anyone working with children, there are warning signs to look for, and steps you can take to stop and prevent it from happening.
I am no expert in this matter, but I found this link.
I am fortunate that I was never harmed as a child in any way physically by anyone I knew. However, when I was 19 years old, I was raped, and by someone I knew. I was a virgin at the time, as I had planned on “waiting til marriage”, so in a way, much of my innocence was taken from me. I was in college at the time, so not at home, but when I did go home, my mom, who knows me so well, recognized my signs. I was so angry and I was taking it out on my family. No longer the happy girl I had been, I was sullen, and anti-social. I stopped eating, and lost about 25 pounds. One day she just said, “I don’t get it. Why are you so angry all the time.” We were standing in the kitchen and I will never forget this moment- it is still so clear to me as the day it happened. It was like a light went on and my mom gasped, “Oh my God, Cassie, were you raped?” I just burst into tears, unable to answer her. But that was answer enough. I never went to therapy or anything like that, and I never pressed any charges because I blamed myself. It took time for wounds to heal, and what got me through it was the love and support of my family. I also met my husband a couple years later, and right from the start he loved me unconditionally, no matter who I was or who I had been in that dark point in my life. I share this story with people now, because I am not ashamed or embarrassed, and I hope that no one ever has to go through what I went through, though statistically I know that is impossible. My hope is that this experience has made me stronger, and will make me more aware of signs of distress in my own children. I felt so alone, and I just couldn’t get out of my dark place by myself. I don’t ever want my children to feel like that.
I know this post has been extremely personal and totally off subject, but last night’s meeting got me to thinking about it. I knew that if there were people out there reading this, they would start to be more aware of signs in heir own children and children they know.

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Comments

  1. Katie Epstein says

    May 19, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Wow…thanks for sharing. Such a good reminder…as we send our kids off to VBS, summer camps, neighbors houses. Proud of you for sharing…

    Reply
  2. Christina says

    May 19, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Such a heart breaking subject! Thanks so much for sharing your story!

    Reply
  3. The Thriftress says

    May 19, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Cassie I am so sorry about your experience. It’s horrible. Thanks for sharing so that we can all be more aware of the signs. I am also helping at VBS and my church has everyone fill out a long questionnaire with character references. It seems like overkill– the volunteers are just the moms and nice old ladies from the church. But I guess you never know…
    Sarah

    Reply
  4. Jeannine says

    May 19, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your painful story. I am director of VBS for our church as well. For at least the last 6 years, we have required all people 14 years or older to go through a child protection training class in order to work with any children in classrooms etc. For VBS we require 2 adult teachers per class. This is difficult to do as so many people work outside the home. However, we make it work. It is sad that this is the state of the USA. We live in a Central California town and hear about sexual abuse all the time. Time to stop it.
    Thank you again for your honesty.

    Reply
  5. miss corner cape says

    May 19, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    i felt compelled to write not only to thank you, cassie, for sharing something so intimate and personal, but also to shed some more light on the subject.

    i worked for my county’s rape crisis and sexual assault agency, and it is so important to know that 73% of rape victims know their assailant. we teach our children to not go with strangers, and our young women to beware the masked man hiding in the bushes, but that is NOT who society needs to be focusing on.

    rape, like domestic violence, is about power and control. it is not because someone dressed sexy or drank. when you wonder how someone can do that to an elderly person, that’s why. it’s not that they found them so attractive they couldn’t handle it, it’s because they are an easier person to have power and control over. same as kids.

    college age women are 4x more likely to be sexually assaulted. the county agency (at least ours) provides all sort of education and outreach to children talking about good touch/bad touch and teens and college students about date rape drugs and other facts. parents, talk with your children. not only about sexual assault, but about teen dating violence.

    males who grow up in households where they witness domestic violence are 2x as likely to take the actions they are witnessing at home into their dating relationships. 1 in 4 women are victims of domestic violence. while similar to rape, there is a lot of stigma concerning DV and victim blaming. 1 in 5 teen girls and 1 in 10 teen boys are victims of dating violence.

    there are 24 hour hotlines to talk about these topics, nationally and locally. teen specific, and adults.

    these subjects are ones i am particularly passionate about, so i apologize for spouting stats!

    rainn.org.
    loveisnotabuse.com
    thatsnotcool.com

    Reply
  6. NICO Designs says

    May 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    During graduate school I volunteered with a child advocacy center. It was heart wrenching to witness physical exams and hear testimony of what happened to those babies. Bravo to you for sharing a great post.

    Reply
  7. Ginnie@allie~millie designs says

    May 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. Unfortunatly, I have often felt like the parents you describe in the video. When our now 12-year-old daughter had recently turned 8, my worst fears came true when she told me that our neighbor, a Boy Scout leader, church-goer who worked with children there, had sexually abused her during the time she was 7 years old.
    I was simply talking to her and reminding her that NO adults should ever touch her that promted her to tell me. She’s gone through counseling and this man is serving 12 years in prison. A year ago, she faced him (her choice) in court when he tried to appeal the sentence. She’s doing well but it will NEVER go away.

    I’ve always wanted to make it my mission to spread this awareness to other parents and lawmakers but haven’t been able to start but I think it’s time I do.
    I’m so sorry about your abuse. Thank you again for bringing this up.
    love and hugs,
    Ginnie

    Reply
  8. Rebecca@This Present Life says

    May 19, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Thank you for sharing this, Cassie. I think it’s so important for us parents to remember that it COULD happen to our children. Denial serves no purpose!

    Reply
  9. Ashley Ann says

    May 19, 2010 at 8:49 pm

    I know what you mean. I volunteer for VBS as well and just hate watching these things. Especially since I have two children of my own.

    Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a sweet comment! Are you in Severna Park? I noticed a visitor from there on my blog. My SIL lives there. You could have very easily seen something of mine of Craigslist, lol. I list stuff on there all the time (but not as often as I buy from there!)

    Thanks again for stopping by! Hope you visit again soon!

    Reply
  10. [email protected] says

    May 19, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Cassie…everything that happens to us makes us who we become. You seem to have become a strong woman. I’m glad you have discovered it’s nothing to be ashamed of. When I was a teen, my best friend was raped by a family friend. My mom told me, my friend never spoke of it, because I believe her family made her feel ashamed. So sad.
    Thanks for sharing something so intimate.
    After the seminar last night, you will be better armed to deal with things in the future. (your children and church children)
    gail

    Reply
  11. Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures says

    May 19, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    I appreciate your post. Ihave a 12 yr old son. I have talked to him about this subject, but I think I will again. I was raped when I was 15. I never told my mom. She died 10 yrs ago so she will never know. I also blamed myself and it was someone I knew. An 18 yr old senior in highschool. I have let it go, but I still wished that I had a comfortable enough relationship with my mom to tell her. I always try to be so open with my son so hopefully he can come to me with anything.

    Reply
  12. thepaperroSe says

    May 19, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    Cassie….thank you for sharing your story. I know it is a painful one. I was a victim of child abuse…from a cousin….never told anyone until I told my husband. As a child you feel responsible for some reason. I K-2nd graders at on our church. About 80% of our children are bused in. My heart breaks each week. Children are such a precious gift…you want to protect them all.

    Reply
  13. Sandy says

    May 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    The experience of the “Topic and Videos” was really a good one to see and discuss! Most parents ‘don’t want to think about this or think it will ever happen to their kids! But it does!
    My sister and I both were abused physically and sexually at a very young age…it was a hard childhood but we both were very fortunate to come out of it ok! We both lived a good life in nice houses with anything we wanted,, except a good home life! No one knew what went on behind those beautiful walls!
    I spoke to both my daughters and son,when they were very young.. 3 or so.. What to do “if”!
    Sad but true.. we need to discuss this topic with all young children.. they need to know what they can do, if and when!
    Rape is ugly at any age and I’m sorry you had to deal with this at the age when sex and love should be sparkling in your eyes!
    My sister and I hid this for a few years…then had to tell my mom! Yes, it went on for years!

    Good post!

    Reply
  14. Amy Kinser says

    May 20, 2010 at 1:40 am

    God bless you for sharing this testimony. Our trials become our testimonies…

    I am sorry.

    Reply
  15. Ashley Ann says

    May 20, 2010 at 2:22 am

    So I finally made it back to finish reading your post, and my gosh! Now I will be sure to FULLY read a post before commenting. Please accept my sincerest apology, I feel I may have come across rude.

    I pray I can recognize signs if something like that were to happen to my children. Though, of course, I pray it never does! 🙂

    Again, hope you didn’t think me rude. I just wanted to send a quick reply before hopping off the comp. and wasn’t able to fully read your post. Have a great night!

    Reply
  16. Pam @ diy Design Fanatic says

    May 20, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    Cassie, I came over to thank you for the nice comment on my daughter’s bedroom reveal & I read your post. You are so brave to share what happened to you. So many are just suffering in silence and are still in bondage because of what someone else did. I was in a small group bible study at my church and most of the women had been sexually molested. It is definitely important for parents to be vigilant and to talk with their children.

    Reply
  17. Restyled Vintage says

    May 23, 2010 at 2:10 am

    Cassie, I too came here to thank you for your kind comment about my daughter’s birthday and saw this post. I have shivers running up my spine thinking of how awful that must have been for you 🙁

    Reply
  18. Shaunna says

    October 12, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Cassie, I just found this post as I flipped through your beautiful makeovers (i loved catching up on the ones before I found you, btw!). I am so very sorry for this…you are SUCH a strong and beautiful person and I do thank God for your willingness to tell your story. Thinking of you today, friend. 🙂 shaunna

    Reply

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Hi, I’m Cassie!

I believe that you don't have to spend a lot of money to live a beautiful life and be your best self.  Here you will find budget friendly ideas to live happily, healthily, sustainably, and most importantly authentically.  We all get one chance at this life, and this ordinary girl plans to make hers extraordinary. How about you? Read more...
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Mother, wife, shop owner, blogger, writer, incurable diy-er, furniture painter, coffee and wine drinker, friend. Seeking happiness and passing it on. Read More…

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