Cassie Bustamante

living an ordinary life extraordinarily

Navigation
  • home
  • about me
  • home tour
  • project gallery
  • shop my home
  • Let’s Collaborate

Saying the Word

February 29, 2012 by Cassie 128 Comments

Pin
Share
Tweet
0 Shares

I have been mentally debating the idea of writing this post for some time, and after chatting with a few other bloggers who have had similar hard times in their lives, I felt like I should.  I wrote a little about my story almost 2 years ago, and at the time I had less than 100 followers.  However I still received emails from people who appreciated what I had done in talking.  I firmly believe that when we open up and talk about the skeletons in our closets, we connect with people who are possibly living in shame, trying to stuff all the bones back into the closet, slamming the door on them forever.  In writing this story today, I am hoping that I will get through to at least one person, and let you know, you are NOT alone and you have nothing of which to be ashamed.  If I get through to one person and make just one person aware that their life can be better, then I have made a difference and my story has been worth it.

I went to a small university, the type of place where if you didn’t know everyone’s name, you at least knew their faces.  It was predominantly greek.  I was not in a sorority, but I had my group of friends and was happy there.  My sophomore year, I went out one night with some of those friends.  We walked to an off campus party.  One of my friends (who lived in the room next to me) and I decided we were ready to go home.  The boyfriend of another friend (she was more of an acquaintance to me) volunteered to walk us back.  The three of us decided to order a pizza, because that’s what you do after you go out in college.  My friend retreated to her room and I expected “him” to leave as well.  He did not.  I do not want to go into the details of what happened next, but I was raped.  I was a virgin at the time.  When I woke in the morning, I was confused, and scared, and not really sure of what happened.  There was blood on my underwear, and I couldn’t get into the shower fast enough.  I showered, threw away the underwear, and dressed myself in some pj’s and crawled into bed, hating myself.

I blamed myself for what had happened, and because he had a girlfriend who was an acquaintance of mine, I kept it to myself.  Finally, a month later, I opened up to a friend, and she said the word I couldn’t.  She said “rape”.   I kept trying to tell her that it couldn’t be true.  Conveniently that month the campus was holding a “speak-out” for rape awareness.  She dragged me to it, and we sat in the dark chapel, lit only by candlelight.  We heard several anonymous testimonials of rape victims.  There was a story that I could have written.  It was almost an exact account of what happened to me.  At that moment, I was finally able to wrap my head around what had happened.  I accepted the truth.

My friend convinced me that I needed to tell his girlfriend… she planned to marry him and had been with him since high school.  She needed to know the truth.  It took all the courage I could muster to pick up the phone and tell her my story.  But I did it.  And what happened next still baffles my mind.  She requested me to meet her and him on a campus corner and repeat the story in front of him.  He was the last person I wanted to see, but because I thought she deserved the truth, I went.  I told her the story again, with him there.  I looked into her eyes and told her everything.  He looked at me with disgust, shaking his head the entire time.  And she did the same, and told me she didn’t believe me.  Finally, I looked at her and said, “If you aren’t going to believe me, and you think I would lie about something like this, then fine.  You two deserve each other.”  And I walked away.

At this point in time I had already pushed away several friends, and started to lose weight.  After everyone knew what happened, I lost more friends.  People would not look me in the eye.  I never felt more isolated and alone in my life.  Even the friends who had stood by me just before, now backed away from me.  I felt like I was Hester Prynne, branded a horrible person.

I was so angry.  I was so angry that this had happened in the first place.  I was so angry that I had allowed it to happen. (I do no believe this now, but at the time I did).  I was so angry at everything and everyone, and eventually all that anger lead to a numbness.  It was easier to be numb to emotion.  And with this numbness came deprivation as a coping mechanism.

I began starving myself, living off of coffee and apples.  By the time I graduated college I was under 110 pounds.  Currently, I weigh around 130 (I do not weigh myself so I don’t actually know) and am healthy and normal.  I am 5’7″, so you can imagine that under 110 did not look good on me.

Well if you have had an eating disorder you know many things I am about to tell you.  You know that it most likely evolved due to dealing with some greater issue… your life was spinning out of control, and you needed something to control.  You know that no matter what you see in the mirror, it’s never good enough, never thin enough.  So you keep on going… the more bones you can see the better.  You can feel your bones, see them protruding, and it’s proof of existence.

Eating disorders can also destroy relationships.  I have not mentioned my family, and I do not want you to think they were not there for me.  They were there for me as much as they could be, though they were 14 hours away.  But I did not make it easy on them.  I pushed them away, and when I did speak to my mom, it was usually not very nice.  I had not told them about the rape because I wanted to protect them.  I didn’t want them to know they sent their baby girl to a school where they thought she would be safe, and they were wrong.  I didn’t want to let them down, so rather than allowing that to happen, I built a wall.

But my mother knows me too well.  It took her some time, but over a break of my senior year when I was home, it dawned on her.  I had snapped at her for something, and she just asked me why I was so angry al the time.  Why wasn’t I the sweet girl I had been?  I recall seeing the thought hit her… and then she asked me.  “Oh my God, Cassie, you were raped, weren’t you?”  I couldn’t answer her because I started to cry.  I felt so much shame- so much that I had pushed them away, instead of letting them be there for me. (And if you have been following me for some time, you know that now my mom and I are very close and she has stood by me.  She also reads my blog- Thanks, Mom!)

Around this time is also when I started dating Chris.  From the start, he loved me for who I was.  He never made me feel like an outsider or isolated.  He brought out the best in me again, and I started to feel alive again, and I had a desire to live life.  It did not happen overnight, though.  It was a long process.  But I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, and I knew I wanted to be alive long enough to see that.  I knew I wanted to have kids and be a good mother and be a healthy role model to them.  I knew those things, but it was still a process.

Eating disorders are an addiction… And anyone who has ever had any addiction knows that you can’t just “quit”.  It takes time and it takes a true desire.  Even in the beginning of our marriage I still struggled, and faltered.  It took me some time to become pregnant with Sawyer because I was not ovulating.  I was petrified that I had ruined my chances of being a mother.   After 3 rounds of fertility pills, I became pregnant, and that was Sawyer.

I knew that I wanted to be a healthy and wonderful and energetic mother, and I could not do that with an eating disorder.  I have been much healthier since that stick showed two lines on it.  But I am not going to lie- addictions are a never ending battle..  For the most part I am healthy, but of course now and again I have days that are not so good and I find myself wishing I had the willpower to just not eat.  Those days are rare, but they still come up now and again.  And in talking with other bloggers who have faced similar struggles, I have found they also feel the same way.  I will never 100 percent be over it, but it comes down to coping mechanisms.  And knowing that we are not alone helps so much, knowing there is always someone out there who can completely understand me helps.  My bad days are few and far between at this point in my life, but I wanted to share my story to let those who have those bad days, too, even if they are much more frequent, know YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.


I cannot say that I am glad for all that I have gone through.  I am not.  I wish with all my heart that I had never been raped and that the eating disorder hadn’t followed.  I also wish that I had not pushed my family away.  But all that has happened in my life, has made me who I am today.  I stay open with my children, and I plan to tell them this story when they are old enough to understand.  It won’t be easy, but I want them to know so that they never have to go through any of the darkness that I went through.  I am hoping that me going through it was enough for all of us.  I am hoping that my kids always see how wonderful and beautiful they are, and never walk in shame or darkness.

That is my wish for my children, but also my wish for any of you reading this who might be struggling.   What I love most about blogging is the love, friendship, and support. I know you all accept me for who I am; and in turn, I accept you for who you are.  And most importantly today, I not only accept me for me, but when I look in the mirror I am pretty happy with the woman looking back at me.  It’s taken me time to get here, but I am here.  And I plan to stay.

Related

Pin
Share
Tweet
0 Shares

Filed Under: Me

Subscribe for Email Updates!

« Piece of Work Wednesday Furniture Link Party Number 77!
Peacock Blue Sideboard »

Comments

  1. Mel says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:07 am

    (HUGS)

    You are not alone. Thank you, for you.

    Reply
  2. Tracy's Trinkets and Treasures says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I knew part of the story, but not the whole story. THanks for sharing. I too think sharing helps others. The part other than the rape that hurt my heart the most was you did the right thing by telling his gf and others turned their back on you. I guess in times like that you know who your real friends are and who has character and is WORTHY of YOUR friendship. I am glad to call you my friend.

    Reply
  3. Laura from Top This Top That says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Cassie- what a brave and courageous move to share your story . I am moved and hopefully that it will resonate with someone else who has had a similar experience or know someone who is.
    Laura

    Reply
  4. Lisa @ Before Meets After says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Cassie you are so brave. Hugs and prayers to you. I know the eating disorder is a never ending battle, but you are right in that the amazing woman you are today is because of your life experiences.

    Reply
  5. awal.ny says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:55 am

    It takes a brave person to talk about both rape and eating disorders. It does help to share these stories. As hard as it is you are right, even the darkness of our lives shapes us into who we are and it takes a strong person to overcome it and become a great person. I love to stop by and see all of your projects, but the person you are is what makes us stay. I am so glad you found love and you are happy with life.

    Reply
  6. Sarah AKA The Thriftress says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Cassie you are so brave to speak out about these things so that you can help others. I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through that unbelievably difficult time in your life. ((HUGS))

    Reply
  7. A place 2 call home says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    You had me crying reading your story, I could barely get through it. You amaze me. I’m so sorry that you were raped, I’m so sorry that you were isolated even though you were the victim. In high school i was dating someone a couple towns away and I got myself into a dangerous situation one day. He took me to his house, no one was home, he asked me if I wanted to see him room, I said ok. His room was in the basement and he turned out all the lights. He was 6’5, and I’m 5’5, there was lots of saying no, and finally I pushed him off me by elbowing him in the nose. I remember running out of the basement in the pitch black crying, trying to find the light of upstairs, I ran out the front door. I had left everything behind including my purse. I pulled out my cell and called my friend Donny and told him I needed him to come get me, I didn’t even know where I was. I wasn’t raped, but I always look back at that day as the day I could have been raped, I was just lucky. I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but I am so proud of the woman you are and the mother you are.

    Reply
  8. Lisa Scibilia says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Oh Cassie. You are such a good and strong person to share your story so publicly so others might not feel alone. Thank you for sharing a little part of what makes you, you and showing that a person can have terrible things happen to her and move on, have a wonderful life and not let it define her. I am sorry you went through this hard time in your life all because of one person’s stupid, selfish act, but you worked through it and went on to make a beautiful life for yourself and your family! You inspire me, girl. xoxo

    Reply
  9. miss flibbertigibbet says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Although it was hard for you to share, it is a good thing for you to say and others to hear. Nothing gives strength like knowing that others have walked the path you have and survived and healed. Blessings to you and your family.
    Lorraine

    Reply
  10. [email protected] says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Applause, applause, applause! So well said. I hate the fact that you were raped and what followed with “friends” and the ED. But I love the person you are today! Well said, lady!

    Reply
  11. Beverly Pennington says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    You are my hero. I love you. Bev

    Reply
  12. Jamie says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Oh my gosh, Cassie. I had no idea. I hate to think of you going through something so trying… I have only seen the beautiful, loving, hilarious, supportive, encouraging, witty person you are now. Let’s add brave to that list. Thank you for sharing your experience and even how it still affects you today. You’ll never know just how many people you are helping through this post.

    Reply
  13. uniquelyyoursormine says

    February 29, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Cassie.. you are brave and wonderful for sharing your story. I am forwarding it to my oldest daughter who is a Freshman in college, it is something all young ladies should hear. Thank you…. – Susan

    Reply
  14. mapleandmagnolia.com says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Cassie, I so admire your courage and willingness to share. You are so very brave. Blessings to you, friend!

    Reply
  15. Tiffany Leigh {thedesignerlifestyle} says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Cassie, your story was so well written. I am truly moved. Thank you for sharing and demonstrating the importance about speaking out about these types of things. You are not alone and we all love your blog and support you 100%. Bless you and congratulations on how far you’ve come since this hard time.
    Tiffany

    Reply
  16. Noelle says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Sometimes life is just plain hard, but it’s funny how those horribly hard times make you strong!! Thank you for being such a blessing to so many women!It always makes my heart hurt to know the bad that can happen to good people, but in those times, I am learning that God has a purpose, not that He intended for the bad to happen, but that he would find something good to come of it! You are such an inspiration, hold your head up high and keep being you! xoxo

    Reply
  17. 17 Perth says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Cassie, I have tears streaming down my face. You are such a courageous woman. Thank you for sharing. That experience must have been awful, but I am so thankful for your intuitive momma and your wonderful husband. Darkness is such a bad place to be and although my story is not the same, I still spent a period of time in darkness and walls became my “friends” too. Getting this “out there” and letting people know that they are not alone is so so comforting when you are in the midst of it. Hugs and prayers go out to you for writing this and for your current struggles. You are a beautiful woman and I applaud your bravery. xo

    Reply
  18. 17 Perth says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Cassie, I have tears streaming down my face. You are such a courageous woman. Thank you for sharing. That experience must have been awful, but I am so thankful for your intuitive momma and your wonderful husband. Darkness is such a bad place to be and although my story is not the same, I still spent a period of time in darkness and walls became my “friends” too. Getting this “out there” and letting people know that they are not alone is so so comforting when you are in the midst of it. Hugs and prayers go out to you for writing this and for your current struggles. You are a beautiful woman and I applaud your bravery. xo

    Reply
  19. stoneandrose.com says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Oh my gosh, Cassie. I am so sorry that happened to you. How brave of you to share your story to try and help other women who may be facing the same things. Your strength is really an inspiration to everyone.

    xo
    Catherine

    Reply
  20. vintageshabbychicks says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    Cassie…there is no doubt that the Lord is using your story today to give someone HOPE. Thanks so much for your honesty…many people will benefit from hearing this today…including me. Love, Julie

    Reply
  21. Kara @ June & Bear says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    i wish i could hug you right now. i can’t relate to the rape and i am so very sorry that happened to you. but everything about the eating disorder, i’ve been there. i feel like anorexia will always be a part of me, but i’ve been in control of it for about 10 years now. i would love to talk to you about this sometime. i don’t think you were following me when i wrote this post. . .
    http://www.juneandbear.blogspot.com/2011/06/dear-16-year-old-self.html

    sending virtual hugs your way.

    Reply
  22. Melissa at HOUSEography says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Virtual hugs. I know you are helping so many people by writing this. Rock on, girlfriend.

    Reply
  23. simplyvonne says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Oh Cassie, Hugssss! Thank you for sharing with us your story, this definitely touched me. So glad that you are finally happy and found that one person who love you for who you are.

    Reply
  24. Gwen @ The Bold Abode says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    You are beautiful and honest and courageous and you touch so many lives, my friend. Stay strong and know that you are not alone.

    Reply
  25. Lynn says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I think for the most part we all have skeletens in our closets. Thank you for bringing yours out for all to see. I read this quote on where else, but Pinterest, “It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to now.” I truly believe that God uses our past experiences, good and bad, to mold us and shape us into who He wants us to be. Thank you, Cassie, for sharing!

    Reply
  26. Sarah @ Modern Country Style says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Oh, Cassie, you lovely, lovely girl. I am, so sorry that these awfu; things happened to you. So, so horrid. Not just the hideous one-off event but the way it was handled afterwards. You poor darling.

    I wish I could have been there.

    Big, huge hug,
    Sarahxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply
  27. Shari @ turnstylevogue.com says

    February 29, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I can’t even imagine but I know that you just helped someone out there immensely by telling your story. You are one brave lady.

    Reply
  28. Tiffany @ {Living Savvy} says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Thank you for sharing! I believe that you are stronger after these sorts of situations and everyday you live healthy and honestly you will just be continue to get stronger! I love your blog, and your witty writing!

    Reply
  29. Kim @ keller-creative says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Cassie- I am so amazed and inspird that you put all of this out there. I identify with this story on a very personal level and am amazed at your courage and honesty.

    Reply
  30. Twice Nice says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    You are one courageous lady. God bless you!

    Reply
  31. Good Time Charlie says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I love the person that I haven’t met in real life, but I see looking back at me from your sweet blog. I am so proud of you for sharing this. This post will go further and wider to help those in pain than I think you will know. Thank you again my sweet, beautiful, friend. Love tons, -K

    Reply
  32. Lisa @ Turning Tables says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    I know I’ve told you this before, but you are such an amazingly strong person. You’ve overcome so much and have such a healthy attitude about how to continue to be strong going forward. I love you friend & admire your courageous spirit. Why bad things happen to good people I will never understand, but it’s people like you that prove that anything is possible xo love u.

    Reply
  33. [email protected] says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Sweetie, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I firmly believe that you will be reaching someone who needs your story, though, and that may give them the strength to put their life back together as you have done. Thanks for your courage and honesty. Sending virtual hugs your way today!

    Reply
  34. Bliss says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Each time you open up and tell the story you might reach another person and give them the courage to do the same.

    ~Bliss~

    Reply
  35. Katie @ Wildwood Creek says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story, Cassie. You are a beautiful example that when we go through rough times, we can come through and be an encouragement and blessing to others.

    Reply
  36. Between Blue and Yellow says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Cassie, I don’t quite know what to say, other than I’m sorry that you had to go through that. What a brave thing to put this out on the web! Love you 😉

    Reply
  37. Anne @ Hello Newmans says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    thank you for sharing. love the openness and honesty. what an encouragement to all those who read this. hugs!

    Reply
  38. Andrea @ Decorating Cents says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story and being open about yourself. I know it took bravery to step out.

    Reply
  39. gail says

    February 29, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    tears here too…what we’ve been through makes us who we are. I am sorry that you went through that, and all that followed.
    I see you as a strong, courageous, warm hearted person.
    I am sure you have helped many by sharing your story.
    hugs to you Cassie!
    gail

    Reply
  40. Elisa says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Cassie – you are such a brave girl to share your story. How wonderful that you feel comfortable enough with your blog family to open up and use your blog for something so important. Good for you! I am so sorry that happened to you. You know the older I get the more it becomes obvious to me that everyone has their story – me too. Sometimes do you wonder if makeing things prettier is part of the healing process? We should have a blogger support group. We could have a slogan like: “I couldn’t control my life buy look how I controled this piece of furniture” Anyway thank you for sharing your story!!

    Reply
  41. Sarah says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    You are so brave for sharing your story!! I can’t imagine going through all of that. My younger sister has been struggling with anorexia for almost 10 years, and it is brutal. Thank you for sharing your story! Hugs to you!! -Sarah

    Reply
  42. Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    You have a huge heart Cassie! I admire your ability to be so open and honest. I am sure there is someone out there who needs to hear this story today. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to you girlfriend!

    Reply
  43. Starr @ The Kiefer Cottage says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs to you!

    Reply
  44. At The Picket Fence says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story and your journey with us! It takes great courage to be vulnerable and put it out there but you are touching lives and reaching hearts probably more than you will ever realize. Blessings to you!
    Vanessa

    Reply
  45. Anna See says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    Cassie, This post will surely help many people. Thank you for so bravely putting it “out there”!
    HUGS to you today.

    Reply
  46. [email protected] says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    You have courage and strength! I know you will help someone today! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  47. Kelsey says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Cassie you amaze me! Your courage in opening up is truly a blessing. I’m so sorry that happened to you. God’s going to help others heal through your story! Thanks for being an inspiration!!!

    Reply
  48. Suzy www.savedbysuzy.blogspot.com says

    February 29, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Cassie, you are so brave in sharing this. Thank you for being the wonderful person you are and overcoming! I know how these things can creep back in and haunt us, in my case 20 years later, but being open and honest is so helpful in getting past it. I’m sure this post has a lot of meaning for many of us out here. Thank you!

    Reply
  49. Carmel @ Our Fifth House says

    February 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    I wish I could hug you right now! What an amazing woman you are! Your bravery will definitely make a difference in someone’s life!

    Reply
  50. Elizabeth (Blue Clear Sky) says

    February 29, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    You are a very brave and special young woman to share your story and reach out to others. Your strength shows your continuing ability to heal. Bless you and your loved ones and the present and future you are building together.

    Reply
  51. Anneke {RustiChic} says

    February 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    There is going to be someone, somewhere, someday (on many days!), who is going to read this, and their life will be changed and they’ll be empowered by you sharing your story. I’ve been there for friends who have gone through both of these ordeals and there is power in sharing with others. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m SO happy you have your wonderful husband and children!!! Thank you for being so brave and honest.

    Reply
  52. Fox Hollow Cottage says

    February 29, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I can’t imagine how hard it is to write that down and share it, much less live it. I’m glad you shared it though, because it shows that you can overcome tragic events and go forward to live a full, happy life. You’ll be a beacon of hope to others.

    Reply
  53. Kacey says

    February 29, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I remember when you shared this initially on your blog and thinking, “Wow, she is one strong woman.” You are so good to share this in order to help others. Knowing how far you have come will be a huge inspiration to someone who went through a similar situation.

    Reply
  54. Ange says

    February 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Hugs to you Cassie. Thank you so much for putting this out there, not only for others but for your own self. You have come a long way it sounds like and you are so strong! I had a room mate go through something similar although we went to trial for it and they ended up letting the guy go. She was so ashamed. This just makes me love you even more! Thanks for being you!

    Reply
  55. Maury Kilgo says

    February 29, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    You are so brave. More than that, you are kind and wonderful. You are making yourself vulnerable and willing to be hurt in order to build others up. You are an incredible woman.

    Reply
  56. Jean @ Flower Hill says

    February 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    What an incredibly inspiring post. Thanks for sharing your journey. I’m sure that you will be an inspiration to so many others!

    Reply
  57. Holly Lefevre says

    February 29, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Oh Cassie – as terrible as your story is, it is also an inspiration for so many. Having the courage to share the story with the “world” is amazing and brave.

    Reply
  58. TheVirginiaHouse says

    February 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Wow Cassie! I’m so proud of you for being a survior and for having the courage to share it with all of us. In so many cases situations like yours destroy a person and it is awesome to hear the opposite. You are obviously a stronger person today because of what you went through. Thanks for sharing:-)

    Reply
  59. Kirsty says

    February 29, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    You are my hero. You are braver and stronger than you will ever know. I know you didn’t put this out there for people to feel sorry for you, or feel badly that this happened, it came from the heart, from someone that has experienced it, and hopefully it will help someone else. xoxo

    Reply
  60. Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun says

    February 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    Beautiful post Cassie. You are an inspiring blogger in so many ways. Thanks and God Bless you and your family!
    (((hugs)))
    Leslie
    ps – just visited Brenda @ CozyLittleHouse and she too is brave and sharing but not yet through her storm… Any blog support there would be treasured I’m sure.

    Reply
  61. Cindy @ Simply Reinvented says

    February 29, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Cassie, you are courageous and beautiful!

    Reply
  62. Traci says

    February 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    What a strong woman you are. And I admire you for sharing that strenght with others who share your experiences.
    Traci

    Reply
  63. Sarah says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Wow, what a story. I’m so sorry that happened to you Cassie, no one should have to live through something like that. I hope you are proud of yourself for sharing something so personal, you are so brave!

    Reply
  64. Lenore @ Lather. Write. Repeat. says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Oh Cassie…it broke my heart to read this post because you are such an amazing, upbeat, kind person so you did not deserve this. I am proud of you for speaking your truth and being such a good friend, wife, mother…you have risen above what has happened to you and in that way – claimed your power back. Sending you virtual hugs and know that you are accepted and admired by me, just as you are.

    XO
    Lenore

    Reply
  65. amy of the salvage collection says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    brave? you? how about OLYMPIC -size bravery to start. i’m in awe of you right now as i sit and consider the strength and courage YOU have had to muster to power through such difficulty–such ugly crap!!–to the beautiful space in which you are today. the space and place that YOU have created.

    inspiring… and your honesty and courage will pass to mothers who read this blog and choose to have a conversation with their son and/or daughter that may change someone’s future someday.

    way to go, girl!

    Reply
  66. Cathy Wall says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Cassie, I am left speechless at your generous spirit in sharing this story in order to help others.I cannot imagine how difficult all of this was to go through, but you have found a way to be bigger than it all and remain focused on the positive. You are truly an inspiration, a wonderful Mom, wife and daughter. I am sending my thanks for sharing and a huge hug…
    Cathy

    Reply
  67. Ali Richardson says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Obviously this is not the first time I have heard this story. When we were talking in my iving room this summer and you began to share all of this and your eyes filled with tears, you touched me to my core. You have suffered and struggled and come through i all.t You are an amazing and strong woman. Your children are so lucky to have your strength to look up to. I love you so much and think you are amazingly wonderful. xoxo

    Reply
  68. Laura says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    I have followed your blog for a while now and look forward to your posts. You may not believe this, but I truly was thinking about your yesterday. You popped into my head randomly and I found myself wondering how you were doing. I knew you had some tough issues you dealt with, but did not know any details. Thank you for sharing your story. All my best to you and your family. You are a very brave woman and I am glad to call you my friend.

    Reply
  69. WhisperWood Cottage says

    February 29, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    You definitely have my love, friendship, support, and acceptance, Cassie. Circumstances do not define a person or her worth. You are amazing and inspiring in so many ways. So proud to know you!

    Reply
  70. Erin says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    And what an incredible woman you are, Cassie! I’m smiling through my tears because of your resilient, graceful spirit. I remember Oprah saying one time something to the effect of “turn your wounds into wisdom.” That is exactly what you’ve done and I’m so very proud of you.

    All my admiration,
    Erin

    Reply
  71. Lisa - A Room with A View says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Cassie, you should be proud for putting this in print so others can be helped. You are obviously stronger than you might think. And like you said, you are what you are today because of what you experienced.

    Reply
  72. Richmond Thrifter says

    February 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    Cassie- what a touching story. You are a brave lady to share. I know you will help many people by talking about it so openly.

    Reply
  73. Kelly says

    February 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    ((HUGS)) to you and thank you for your bravery in speaking out. You are a remarkable lady!

    Reply
  74. pam {simple details} says

    February 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Cassie, what a courageous and selfless act to share such a painful part of your life in hopes of helping others. You’re an inspiration in so many ways, we’re all fortunate to have you in the blogosphere!

    Reply
  75. Erin @ His and Hers says

    February 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    Oh my gosh, Cassie…you are so brave for sharing. Your story will absolutely be an encouragement to others, and I love that you’ve taken something horrific and turned it into an opportunity to uplift others who might be experiencing the same thing.

    Reply
  76. Sabrina says

    February 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Oh Cassie… My heart just breaks reading that! You are such a sweet girl even though I don’t know you in person, I think you are so wonderful!
    So that just makes me so sad to read what you had to go through. Thank you for sharing your story. I know there are other women out there, and have been in your situation or dealt with addiction and can relate and feel like they have a dear friend in their walk of recovery. You are an amazing women and I’m proud of you for opening up and being so real. You are a blessing to so many! Hugs to you friend!!!

    Reply
  77. Rachael says

    February 29, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Wow, Cassie, thank you for having the courage to share your story. It was very brave of you to go tell your friend in front of your attacker. Their reaction seems quite typical. I am so sorry it added to your torment and rejection. You are one brave woman and I am so thankful that something so evil is now being used for good. You are amazing. God bless your precious heart.

    Reply
  78. Teresa at Splendid Sass says

    February 29, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Cassie-
    There is not a person reading this that haven’t had some type of pain that began as another event. You are very strong for writing this, and I know that there are many that will be helped by your thoughtful post.
    My daughter is in college, and I have tried my best to warn her against this common occurrence. You are certainly not alone.
    Thank you for sharing this story. I am certain it will help a lot of people that struggle with some sort of addition.
    Teresa
    xoxo

    Reply
  79. Andrea says

    February 29, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    wow!!!! You have me in tears!!!! Thank you for sharing your story! You are truly an amazing person ! Hugs!!

    Reply
  80. shellyandrade says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    Wow, what a story! You are so brave to share what you went through. What inspired me the most was your courage to stand up to your friend and her boyfriend even when she sided with him. That must have been so heart wrenching, especially at such a young age. I am so proud of all the hurdles you’ve conquered and pray that you are blessed beyond your wildest imagination from here on. I’m certain you’ve helped someone else who’s struggling today!! Take care, Shelly

    Reply
  81. Margaret says

    February 29, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    You are an amazing, strong, beautiful person. I am certain your story has helped someone and will continue to do so.

    Reply
  82. [email protected] Not Included says

    March 1, 2012 at 12:35 am

    You are an amazing person with an amazing heart. Thank you for putting it out there to help someone. I can’t imagine how hard it was. I cried the whole time reading it and wished I could give you a big hug right now.

    Reply
  83. Mrs.B says

    March 1, 2012 at 12:37 am

    Brave, brave woman!

    Reply
  84. DecorandtheDog says

    March 1, 2012 at 2:53 am

    I’d virtual hug you but I’m not much of a hugger. 😛

    This was so well written. Way to spread the word!

    Reply
  85. Allison says

    March 1, 2012 at 2:59 am

    Cassie, I applaud you for opening up and sharing your story! I know this was not easy. You have gone through a lot and are an inspiration to all of us. I’m so sorry you had to experience that situation in college and then battle an eating disorder. You are right. Addictions are a never ending battle. One day at a time! I know you have most likely reached at least one person today that is struggling, if not more, and you have touched the hearts of all of us. Thank you for your honesty0 and being the woman that you are – geunuine.

    Reply
  86. Kelly at My Colorful Cottage says

    March 1, 2012 at 3:43 am

    Cassie I can’t say much that hasn’t already been said about your bravery but I just wanted to thank you for sharing this because maybe just maybe it will help someone. I really applaud you being so open and honest, it’s very hard to know when and where to draw the line with your personal life while blogging but I think you do a great job of this which is why so many of us love to read your blog:)

    Reply
  87. Jenna says

    March 1, 2012 at 4:02 am

    It makes me so sad that something so awful happened to you! And the “friends” that turned their backs on you, im dumbfounded at how they could do that. My heart ached for you as i read your story. Thanks for sharing and being so brave. I’m sure you have affected more people than you know, for the better. you are amazing Cassie!

    Reply
  88. Melissa says

    March 1, 2012 at 4:10 am

    Such a powerful story Cassie. Thanks for sharing, it is beyond touching.

    Reply
  89. Prudently Painted Vintage says

    March 1, 2012 at 4:18 am

    You had me crying 🙁 I’m so sorry you went through that. You are such a beautiful and talented woman. Hugs to you!

    Reply
  90. The Rooster and The Hen says

    March 1, 2012 at 5:29 am

    That took so much courage, thank you for sharing – you’re amazing!

    Reply
  91. The BS Bunch says

    March 1, 2012 at 7:23 am

    You are right…. The good and bad make us who we are. I love reading your blog…. You make me smile and inspire me. Thank you.

    Reply
  92. Tonya says

    March 1, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Hugs to you Cassie!! I’m so sorry that you had to go through that and I’m certain that your story will help more than just one person!! You definitely aren’t alone! Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  93. Megan says

    March 1, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Cassie, thank you so much for sharing your story!! When I was 17 the father of the little girl I babysat for down the street tried to rape me, thank god I was able to get out of the house and run to a neighbor before he did. It was the most surreal freighting experience of my life. I too have faced addiction and it’s one of the most lonely experiences, and the hardest, to deal with. I pushed my family away and was so horrible to them. Even though things are better now, I still feel so guilty for how I behaved. You are amazing, being so open, I know a lot of women while benefit from reading this!!

    Reply
  94. Lee Hill Primitives says

    March 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    You touch my heart, thinking of the young lady that was abused in that way. You are brave. You get up to brave the circumstances and not be silent or to hide what happened. Thanks for sharing this with us. Well done to say the truth to the GF of that bastard,little man, but he deserved a woman like her. I’m glad you found a wonderful human being in your life. Blessings to you and yours. Eve

    Reply
  95. [email protected],Ry,andLaLa says

    March 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Cassie,
    I wish I would have read this before seeing you yesterday….I would have given you a much bigger hug.

    Reply
  96. Rebecca says

    March 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Thanks for sharing your story, unfortunately it will strike similar to a lot of women. I have someone in my life, very close to me, who has suffered with anorexia and I think you are very brave to put it “out there” and let everyone know they are not alone.

    Reply
  97. Amy says

    March 1, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Hi Cassie,
    I went through something similar after I graduated from college, only it was while I was working (I worked in sales) and it happened while I was attending an event of a client I was trying to sign on.
    It’s hard. I tried blogging about my feelings (at the time) as a way to let out my anger and frustration to keep myself from turning to my destructive habits and I ended up losing my best friend over it. (He thought I was being selfish and attention-seeking by blogging about it)
    What you did yesterday was very brave. I fully understand how hard it is to first of all, cope with the situation, but secondly to open up on it.
    I’m glad to see both of us are in better places, both with supportive and loving families. 🙂

    Reply
  98. Julia @ 551Eastdesign says

    March 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Cassie every experience you’ve gone through has turned you into a sweet, honest, caring person which speaks volumes to your strength. Not many people could go through what you’ve been through and continue to radiate so much light a love. Thank you for being such a good example.

    Reply
  99. Julia @ 551Eastdesign says

    March 1, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Cassie every experience you’ve gone through has turned you into a sweet, honest, caring person which speaks volumes to your strength. Not many people could go through what you’ve been through and continue to radiate so much light a love. Thank you for being such a good example.

    Reply
  100. Gina says

    March 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Hey Cassie,
    Just wanted you to know, that I think that it is amazing when I get to meet/or read about women like you. . .brave enough to share their skeletons. Your story relly hit close to home, not the exact same thing but skeletons. I dealt with alot of what happened in college with depriving myself of food. I felt that losing weight was the one thing I could control,while the rest of my life was not. I know that I am a child of God, and have been forgiven for my skeletons. I hope to one day have the courage to share my story, with more people then my husband! THANKS for being brave and sharing!

    Reply
  101. Katie says

    March 1, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Cassie, I can’t tell you how much this story saddens me! I’m so glad that even through these hardships you are still a beautiful person, both inside and out! **Big hugs**

    Reply
  102. Catherine says

    March 1, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Cassie – I wish I was eloquent enough to respond to this post in the way it deserves. Unfortunately I’m not. I can share only this…

    As I read your story I looked at my 3 year old daughter watching sesame street and my nearly one year old son playing with a truck. It made me think about the children I am blessed to raise, and of my role in shaping the people they will become. Mostly I thought about the relationship I build with both of them (I just read about a mother resilient enough to keep trying when her child built a wall between them, and then who knows her child well enough to see and name the pain), and how I help them to see right and wrong (a daughter who told the truth, even a painful truth, and who has become a woman to be proud of).

    So, you set out hoping to help one person, but you also reminded me about being a parent. I’m grateful to have read your story.

    Reply
  103. [email protected] Road says

    March 1, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Cassie, you are living proof that something like what you experienced does not have to own you. You get to decided who you are, and you are wonderful.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    Reply
  104. Carrie @ Hazardous Design says

    March 1, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    Cassie-I’m struggling to find the right words. You are a brave and courageous person to share such a horrific ordeal. I always think of rape as something that happens on TV to a fictional character, but knowing it has happened to someone I know has really hit home for me. It can happen to anyone, and that makes me SO angry! I’m glad you’re now on the other side and in a good place.

    Reply
  105. [email protected] Sort Of Fairytale says

    March 2, 2012 at 3:59 am

    oh Cassie, you are so strong to have gone through this and come out the other side like you have…a positive and wonderfully sweet and kind person! i am so sorry you suffered at the hands of a very cruel person who the caused you that much more pain as a result. i applaud and admire you for sharing your story…you have undoubtedly helped many of your readers i am sure by sharing your story. You are amazing! Truly!

    Reply
  106. CathySchmathy says

    March 2, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Excellent job at putting the shame where it belongs–on the sorry excuse for a human who raped you. Speaking out helps us reclaim our power! Wishing you continued healing.

    Reply
  107. Devon says

    March 2, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Thank you for sharing. Know how much we (your blog readers and ‘friends’) appreciate the honesty. Sending a big hug to you. Love you.

    Reply
  108. Becca says

    March 2, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Wow Cassie, you are so brave and strong. I know that because you were able to share your story on this public forum! Great job! Your family must be so proud of you and all you’ve overcome! We cannot control what happens to us, only what we do with it!
    xo,Becca

    Reply
  109. Michelle @ Ten June says

    March 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Oh Cass, you are so brave to have told this story. You will inspire so many, I know it. While I have had nothing as devastating happen in my life (I teared up thinking of that sweet college girl, scared and innocent… breaks my heart!), my participation in college athletics certainly brought up a whole round of eating disorders on my team and with my friends. It hasn’t affected me personally, but I know it’s a tough battle. One thing’s for sure-you’re definitely not alone. You are blessed with a great blog community and a great family (the part about your hubby coming into the picture totally made me tear up too!). Again, so proud of you for sharing your story, love! xo

    Reply
  110. Courtana says

    March 2, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Wow, almost at a loss for words at your bravery for saying things that most would be too scared to say.
    I am so sorry that you went through these things, and praise the Lord, that you seem to have found your way out of the dark.

    Thanks so much for sharing

    Reply
  111. Dear Emmeline says

    June 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Cassie, I don’t know what to say except I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I can not believe that your friends deserted you when you needed them most. I have gone through several periods in my life when I have been ditched by my “friends” and left behind and alone. I can totally sympathise with the aloneness and depression that must have followed especially after what you had just been through. Hugs girlie and I am so glad that despite what the path looked like you made it out to a place of happiness and love on the other side!

    Reply
  112. Eclectically Vintage says

    June 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I had no idea – you are incredible for sharing this. I had a girlfriend in high school who was bulimic and after we graduated, we all went down the shore for senior week and she broke down in front of all of us and told us she had been raped when she was 6 by her neighbor’s dad. And they still lived next door to him! It was horrible – she never told her friends (her family knew). I am so glad you got through and are sharing your story – because I know you are helping so many people who have gone through the same thing. Glad you’ll be sharing this story with your kids one day.
    Kelly

    Reply
  113. Karah @ thespacebetweenblog says

    June 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    What an incredibly courageous post. You are so right, we all have life experiences that we just can’t change. Congrats to you for confronting it, and moving forward … and for finding love and happiness … two of life’s most powerful things. xo

    Reply
  114. Becca C. says

    June 5, 2012 at 1:49 am

    I was too, but I still can’t say it. I was married when it happened (still am) and I had a lot of people say I wanted it, and for the longest time (and still when I have those doubts) I blame myself.

    Reply
  115. Becca C. says

    June 5, 2012 at 1:49 am

    So thank you. <3

    Reply
  116. Helen says

    June 5, 2012 at 3:25 am

    Thank you! I have never experienced either of these things but my heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
  117. Linda @ it all started with paint says

    January 2, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Cassie,

    I can see why this post resonated with so many of your readers. You are so brave to share your story with us all. It saddens me that someone so wonderful and special and giving had to be subjected to such terrible pain. I’m so glad you are no longer in your dark place.

    Your friend,

    Linda

    Reply
  118. [email protected] Chaos says

    January 2, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    Oh Cassie… I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this horrible pain. I narrowly escaped a similar situation in college, and I often think how lucky I was to get away… especially when I learned later on that he was arrested for rape on another college campus.

    Thank you for sharing your story, as it will surely help someone in need. You are a blessing.

    Reply
  119. Elizabeth @ The Little Black Door says

    January 2, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    What an amazing story Cassie. I sincerely thank you for sharing it as it is so important and inspiring. How I wish I could give you a big fat hug right now!! I’m so glad you are the strong beautiful woman I’ve gotten to know.

    Reply
  120. Rubylicious Bespoke says

    January 3, 2013 at 10:52 am

    What an incredibly courageous blog, my heart goes out to you and the girl you were before that night. Sending big hugs from the other side of the world. Alison x

    Reply
  121. Katja | Shift Ctrl Art says

    August 4, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Sweet, sweet Cassie. I had no idea you had gone through this horrible experience. I am so proud of you for standing strong and not back down from the confrontation. I can’t believe that girl did not believe you. I am in complete awe that you had the strength to go through with the confrontation. I would have buried myself into a deep hole. You are truly brave!!

    I am so sorry you went through this! Thanks for speaking out about it and not letting it define you!

    You are such a fantastic person and your have a golden spirit that I just love!! (((hugs my friend)))

    And another (hug) for the road.

    Reply
    • Cassie says

      August 4, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      thank you so much for this, katja! it definitely feels like a lifetime ago and that’s a good thing. 🙂

      Reply
  122. Tania says

    November 11, 2016 at 10:37 am

    Hi Cassie, I just read this post after clicking the link in your Seen, Heard and Tasted post. I didn’t know this about you but not only do we have a little bit in common when it comes to decorating styles and artsy-fartsyness!! but we have this in common too. I was 16 when it happened to me and also a virgin. The person who did this to me was married. I confided in someone who I thought was a friend and she told the wife who then ended up at my door asking me to walk with her to talk about it. She ended up walking me right to his mother’s house who was what I’d call a bible thumper and she proceeded to lecture me about what a horrible person I was and that I was the spawn of the devil. No joke. I am 48 now but I still think about it sometimes.

    I’m glad you shared this on your blog for the world to see, some people who are not bloggers don’t understand sharing this way but I know it therapeutic and the most important thing is that it can help someone else. :o)

    Tania

    Reply
    • Cassie says

      November 11, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      WOW- that is such a terrible story! i cannot believe how you were treated. well, i mean i can believe it, but it sickens me. so glad that we are still standing and probable a heck of a lot stronger than ever.

      Reply
  123. [email protected] says

    November 11, 2016 at 11:38 am

    Oh my word. You are the bravest for sharing this! I think (from what I’ve seen) you are setting an amazing example to your children. Xoxo

    Reply
    • Cassie says

      November 11, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      aaaaw, thank you so much. i think being a mom is what makes me brave… no one messes with my kids! 😉

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Book Review: Yohnalossee Riding Club says:
    August 4, 2014 at 6:01 am

    […] never in the novel acknowledges her situation for what it is…. rape.  For anyone who has read my story, you can understand how this piece of the novel, which is what it all sprouts from, really bothered […]

    Reply
  2. Seen, Heard and Tasted 7: Links for Your Weekend - Cassie Bustamante says:
    November 11, 2016 at 9:25 am

    […] I was enough.”  If you’ve been following my blog for a long time, you might know this part of my story already, and it’s definitely something that’s been on my mind a lot this year with different […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Hi, I’m Cassie!

I believe that you don't have to spend a lot of money to live a beautiful life and be your best self.  Here you will find budget friendly ideas to live happily, healthily, sustainably, and most importantly authentically.  We all get one chance at this life, and this ordinary girl plans to make hers extraordinary. How about you? Read more...
Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email Rss Bloglovin

Categories

Disclaimer

This blog does not share personal information with third parties nor do we store any information about your visit to this blog other than to analyze and optimize your content and reading experience through the use of cookies. You can turn off the use of cookies at anytime by changing your specific browser settings. We are not responsible for republished content from this blog on other blogs or websites without our permission. This blog uses affiliate links.

Connect

Hi! I'm Cassie.

Mother, wife, shop owner, blogger, writer, incurable diy-er, furniture painter, coffee and wine drinker, friend. Seeking happiness and passing it on. Read More…

Recent Posts

Privacy

© 2022 · Foodie Theme Customized by This Bold Girl · Built on the Genesis Framework